Color Me Grey
by ayanastar
Summary: Before my world was filled with color. That was until You-Know-Who and his followers took that away from me. Will someone be able to rescue me from this grey, emotionless void?


Color me grey

Grey. This is such a dominating color. You may not understand what I mean. I mean, why grey? Isn't the world all the colors of the rainbow? Now there's the catch. To you it is. But to me, well that's a different story.

My world is filled with grey. It isn't black and white either. No. It's not good and evil, happy and sad. It's just a swirling mix of those two. There is no dominating emotion left in my soul. I'm just a drab shade of grey. You see there was a time long ago; when I was just like all you normal color-filled people. I felt happy; red, sad; blue, love; pink, jealousy; green, innocence; white, friendship; orange and smart; purple. But that time is gone. I look at a rose and do not feel a spark; that colorful emotion. If someone who was once my friend talks to me, I do not feel a stir in my soul.

I am only driven by one thing. One thing and one thing only; to destroy the Dark Lord. What a foolish goal, you might think. Well maybe you're right. But you see the fact that everything is grey to me, hinders me in seeing what's right and wrong.

The Dark Lord has taken everything from me; he has taken my family, my friends and my innocence. He has taken away the colors of my world. Here is how I have been reduced to such a state…

"Mum? Dad? I'm home!" I called from the door, putting my heavy trunk down. I was feeling all fuzzy from the excitement of being home at last. I had missed my family dearly, but now that I was seconds away from hearing and seeing them, my heart was veiled in a delightful yellow tinge.

"Amber? Don't come! Run darling!" I heard the fear in my mother's voice, it was as if her voice was tinged with navy-blue. I knew that maybe I should just turn back and go to the neighbors, which is what my parents told me to do if there was danger.

However, curiosity pushed me further. I climbed up the stairs and saw my parent's in their room, frantically packing.

"What's going on?" I asked. They briefly looked up and I saw my mother give me a tight, panicked look.

"We have to leave! They're coming," father said breathlessly. I knew what this meant. The Death Eaters. My parents were Aurors, but recently had been attracting unwanted attention from them. This was bad. I quickly ran downstairs when I heard several popping noises.

"Hide. Quick Amber dear," mother hissed. I quickly ducked into the nearest hiding spot; a closet. I heard the front door being knocked down. I heard mother shriek and father curse. There was nothing I could do to help them. Nothing at all. I was surrounded by darkness. I peered through the crack in the door to see many black-hooded figures circling my parents. They were already disarmed.

"Now then, we hear that you have been meddling in matters that are to be left alone." I heard the menacing voice hiss and I felt a trickle of fear climb up my spine.

My parents didn't answer. I could see my mother shaking, father's arm around her shoulders.

"Now where is your pretty little daughter?" the voice hissed. Mother whimpered.

"She's not here." Father's voice was hard and firm. I breathed shallowly, wanting so much to reach out to them, to help them in any way.

"I see. No matter, we shall find her eventually."

"Over my dead body," father hissed.

"Well that can easily be arranged." The voice said contemptuously. I put my hand over my mouth.

"_Avada Kedavra!" _I saw a flash of green light, and heard mother sob. The color green for me is not a happy color anymore; it never will be. It's the color of death and pain. But that was before everything became grey and it all means nothing now.

"A shame, I was so looking forward to a bit of sport," a female voice cackled. I muffled my cries and wanted so much to squeeze my eyes shut, to avoid seeing any more. But I couldn't. It was as if an invisible force was pulling me to the door, forcing me to watch these horrors.

"Now then… Time for my personal favorite. _Crucio!" _I heard mother scream and heard her body fall to the ground. I put my hands to my ears but I could still hear her screams. The screams suddenly stopped.

"_Legilimens," _the voice was harsh, merciless.

"Why, it appears you were lying, you miserable piece of filth. Your daughter is in this house. Why then, more fun for us."

"Ooh ooh! Why don't we Imperius her?" the woman said excitedly. I felt bile rise in my throat. I didn't know what was coming, but I knew it wouldn't be good.

"_Imperio!" _I heard footsteps coming towards me. The door swiftly opened and I crouched down, looking at the person above me in absolute terror. It was my mum. She looked empty, void of all thought. She grabbed my arm, possessing strength I didn't know she had. I was dragged into the sitting room, in the middle of the circle of Death Eaters. I saw my dad's body and the tears swiftly trickled down my face. I heard the harsh laughs.

"Now here is the little daughter, out to play. I've heard she's quite a skilled witch. So sad she shares her parent's views." I didn't know who said this, but I felt my hopes plummet even further. I knew the Imperius Curse was on mum because she had pushed me to the floor, her wand pointed at me blankly. One of the figures twitched their wand.

"_Crucio!" _mum uttered tonelessly. I felt the pain hit me. I writhed on the ground, feeling my body hit objects as my muscles jerked from the intense torture. My vision became hazy, clouded by a grey that would stay with me even after the incident was done. This is the moment when I lost the colorful view I had of the world. This is when grey dominated my life, turning me into a shell of who I used to be.

Suddenly, the pain stopped. I kneeled down, gagging and sobbing.

"Ready for more?" I shook.

"No. please," I croaked and despised myself for being so weak.

"We have a bargain then; our master is in the need of more recruits." The figure stepped forward, unveiling its face. It was the woman. She had dark hair and a regal bearing. She looked only five years older than me.

'How old are you?" she commanded.

"Sixteen," I stuttered. She smiled viciously.

"Perfect. By the end of next year, we will find you and you shall become one of us," she stated. I nodded, not realizing what I was agreeing to.

"Game over then." She raised her wand and I cowered, fearing more pain.

"_Avada Kedavra_." The flash of green went over my head, and I heard a groan and turned around to see mum on the ground behind me, her eyes lifeless. I sobbed.

"MUM! Don't go! Please! I need you!" I shrieked, hearing the Death Eaters pop away. A year's time. That's what I had left before I became one of them.

I fell asleep, crying over my parents' body. I woke up to find myself in a white room. To me everything just seemed the same. It was grey and bleak. I looked around me to see Professor Dumbledore sitting beside me.

"Why hello Ms. Knight. We arrived at your house after being warned there was a Dark Mark over it. Are you feeling physically well?" He asked caringly. Normally, caring people filled me with a soothing peach color, but not anymore. I used to be very receptive to colors. I used to feel and determine things by color. But now, it's all grey. I don't know how I'll change that. I don't know if it's possible.

"Yes Headmaster." I croaked.

"Well once you are fit to be released from St. Mungo's you will be taken to a safe place. You will be safe, with members of a certain order guarding you," he said.

"If you need anything, Ms. Knight, I would be extremely glad to be of some assistance." I nodded mechanically and with that he walked out.

I stayed a week in the hospital. I was then moved to a cheery house that was apparently all in yellows. I didn't know where it was. I also didn't really fully realize the color of the house, because usually I would feel an emotion depending on the color. But not anymore. It's all grey.

Then school started. The dreadful meeting of people I knew. Of rituals I knew. People and things I had come to assimilate with certain colors. However, this was all gone now. My friend, Lily; a fellow Gryffindor, came up to greet me.

"Oh Amber. How are you? I heard about your summer. I'm so sorry!" she said tearfully, hugging me. There were no more tears for me to let fall from my eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked. I shook my head blankly.

"Oh. Well if you don't… I understand," she whispered, looking me in the eye. I looked over her head, willing her to go away. I wasn't ready to talk. I hadn't even let myself feel the pain of what had happened to me.

Lily walked away, oddly linking herself to one of the Marauders, James Potter. Normally I would've puzzled on it, but I just walked to the Great Hall. I didn't notice the sorting, didn't notice Dumbledore's speech, and I also didn't notice what I was piling on my plate. I shoved food in my mouth, not caring at all. I then quickly ran up to my dormitory. For weeks this was my routine. I don't think I spoke more than a handful of words during this period of time. The teacher's didn't press me for answers or comments in class, but frankly I didn't even feel thankful.

My days passed in the same haze, I didn't notice one day apart from another since there were no colors left for me to distinguish the days from. My friend's all thought that they should leave me alone, let me warm to them. I knew that that would never happen. I didn't want to talk, even though I was vaguely aware this would be the only way I could deal with the grey in my life.

I didn't feel any emotions. I didn't feel angry when someone bumped into me in the hallways, didn't feel happy when I heard of the Hogsmeade trip. Grey, that dominating color, also dominated and dictated my emotions.

I was in the library one day when I heard footsteps behind me. I had been gazing at my left forearm, thinking indifferently about how in a year, my skin would be marred by a skull and a snake.

I heard someone sit down beside me heavily. I was aware of a warm, yet sharp, comforting smell. I could feel someone gazing at me intently so I turned around, not feeling any trepidation over who it might be.

It was Sirius Black. One of my former friends. He was looking at me, his grey eyes full of worry. Just to clear something up, his eyes weren't grey because of the way I perceived them, they were ACTUALLY grey. I found this slightly ironic. But my irony didn't faze me.

"Amber. You need to talk. Bad. I'm not the only one who noticed; I'm just the only one who thinks that we should come towards you, not the other way around," he said firmly. Before, I used to have a tiny crush on him. But only a small one mind you.

"Now, I don't care how long it takes for you to pour out your heart to me, but I'm going to stick around until you do. Is that clear?" his voice was lowered and soft now. He raised his hand and brought it to my cheek, brushing a lock of straight black hair behind my ear. My skin prickled and then it happened…

I felt a small prod of a warm delightful pink at the back of my mind. I hadn't felt a hint of color in months. And Sirius Black, with one touch, had made me feel, even if it was for one second. I nearly gasped at this revelation. He must have noticed something in my look, because he took me and walked me up and down hallways and then pulled me into a room I'd never been in before. He sat me down on a grey couch and plopped down beside me.

"Talk. Now. Please," he pleaded. I looked into his eyes, feeling a stir in my heart. A swirl of colors was flashing before my eyes, swirling into a crazy kaleidoscope of repressed feelings. Then I spilled it all.

"Oh Sirius. You have no idea what it was like. They came into my home. They hurt my parents. They killed my father! They tortured mum! I saw it all, I heard her scream, Sirius! They found me and forced mum to hurt me! Then when I couldn't take the pain they made me promise something awful… It… I promised… And now in a year…" I shrilled, hiccupping my sobs. He took me to his chest and I breathed in his scent.

"Shh Amber. It's ok. I'm here. You can tell me. I'll do whatever I can to help you," he whispered. I looked into his eyes and he carefully wiped a tear off my freckled nose.

"Sirius. You have no idea. I promised that… In a year, I'll be one of them," I croaked. I felt a wave of blue and red hit me.

"I'm so scared."

"Amber listen to me. I will never, ever let them take you," he said fiercely. I looked at him and felt maybe a little hopeful. It was that lime green emotion, tinged with orange.

"And then, they killed her. They killed her Sirius!" I sobbed. I clutched at his shirt. I felt all my repressed grief and fear hit me like a rock. But at the same time, deep down inside, I knew I was relieved. Relieved that I could see and feel colors again.

"Amber, we can tell Dumbledore, he'll protect you. I'll protect you." I looked at him and felt his hot breath hit my cheek.

I leaned towards him, my heart beating erratically. His lips touched mine and I took a deep breath. Our lips moved gently, his teeth grazing my bottom lip. His tongue prodded my lips and I parted them, sighing. His hand moved to my waist, the other one on my neck. I raked my fingers through his black silky hair. He was leaning closer, pressing me to the couch. Our tongues tangled and I felt a tingle course through me. A firework of colors erupted in my mind; a mix of pinks, purples, oranges and magenta's. We broke apart and I put my head on his shoulder. His hands tangled with mine.

"Sirius, I really am scared. I don't want to be one of them," I sighed, a tear making its way down my cheek. He pulled my chin up, looking me in the eye.

"I've always been here for you, as a friend and I will always be here for you, in whatever form you need me to be." His voice was soft and I broke into a tearful smile. His lips brushed my chin, wiping my single tear away.

"You know something Sirius, I've always had a soft spot for you. Although, you were quite a prat at times." I smiled.

"Oi! I was NOT a prat! And even if I was," he said with a mischievous smile, "apparently that still worked on you dear," he said mockingly.

"I really do care for you though Sirius." I said seriously.

"Oh don't worry. I care for me too." He smiled and rubbed his finger on my lips.

"But I care for you much more," he breathed and I once again felt a dusty pink hit me in a big wave. Gone was the grey I used to feel. All because of one person. One person who was determined to get me out of my shell.

I felt Sirius' lips on mine again. I quickly parted his lips and explored his mouth. When we broke apart I smiled.

"Thank you Sirius."

"For what?" he asked.

"For coloring my world again. For taking away all this grey. For making me feel. Dealing with my grief is better than running from it." He looked at me, a puzzled look on his face.

"If that's what it takes for you to be happy, I'll stay by your side forever Amber. We need each other and I am willing to roll with the punches for you," he said lovingly and a happy wetness made its way to my eyes. I giggled.

"Sirius. I think I love you," I said shyly.

"You better because I expect to get as much as I give," he whispered, his nose touching mine. He wrapped his arms around me, rocking me as I cried the sadness that my summer had imprinted on me.

I knew at that moment that Sirius would remain true to his promise. As long as I lived, he would be by my side, making sure that this grey would never return. The color that had dominated me for months wouldn't return. Sirius would love me in return and I would never become a Death Eater. I would rather die. If that's what it takes so I won't feel a shade of grey, I'll take it.

I don't think Sirius will ever understand what I meant about him coloring my world, and I don't think he'll ever understand how important that is to me. But that's fine. After all, any color beats only grey. Don't you agree?

**(A/N: TA-DA! Here is a story I wrote as a response to Cedricsgurl 's COLORS challenge on HPFF. I hope you liked this. Please review, it would make me happy! Constructive criticism would be loved. This is the first Sirius/OC I've written and I really liked doing it!) **


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